What Goes On Inside Lily Evans' Head
by The Stag and the Doe
Summary: An exclusive insight on the inner thoughts and workings of Lily Evans. Particularly on the subject of one James Potter.
1. Too Much Running

**Note: I own none of these wonderful, wonderful characters. And I might have possibly gotten some inspiration from Commentarius. Yeah.**

* * *

It was hard enough being a teenage girl. Schoolwork, responsibilities, and expectations. It was hard enough just falling in love, but it had to be with James _bloody_ Potter.

Yes, you could say Lily Evans, Head Girl, had it tough.

* * *

He's a prat. A stupid, arrogant, prat.

Who I might just happen to be in love with.

No! Merlin, why does _he_ have to be the Head Boy? Why couldn't Remus have got it? Or even that freckly Hufflepuff boy? Snape, even.

I mean, for Merlin's sake, the idiot still runs around with his group of "Marauders", (which is a really stupid childish name) and they still play pranks, and walk around after hours, and skip class.

Speaking of James (_Potter)_, here comes that toerag now. Godric, can't a girl get some peace in a library? Did he even know the library existed?

"Afternoon, Evans." Look at him, smirking at me like he owns the place.

"What do you want, Potter?" Don't you dare sit next- ugh, fine, let me just clear away _all _of my things so you can sit down.

"I thought I might get in a spot of studying. Why? Does it bother you?" Immensely.

"I'm just shocked you managed to find your way here without a signpost."

"Ouch, that hurt." Still smirking. Git.

"Well, I'm _terribly_ sorry I hurt your feelings then."

"Er, right. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something." Ask me out. Please. I'll say yes.

"Well then hurry up and spit it out." My face isn't turning red. It really _isn't._

"Can I borrow your Advanced Potions textbook? Sirius stole mine, and then tore it in two. Said it was a rubbish subject." First of all, how dare he treat a book like that! Second, what a disappointment. Now I have to find it amongst this endless pile of notes.

"Yeah, whatever, let me get it." More like, let me delve into the depths of the unknown and see if I can retrieve it. "It's in here somewhere." Ah, there it is. I wonder if I can quickly write a note on it and tell him- No. That thought stops there. I do _not_ like James Potter; for he is a bullying, annoying, (un)attractive-

_How_ on earth did his face get that close. Oh Merlin. I can see the brown flecks in his eyes. His absolutely _beautiful_ eyes. And maybe I can lean closer, and…-

Ok, no, I'm leaving. I have to leave. Right now. Potter's got the book. I can go. Breathe. That's it. He won't notice anything. Left foot, right foot. Door's over there. Don't look back at him.

* * *

I should just be grateful that I didn't spontaneously combust right then and there. I don't think he noticed anything though. Or he's just being unusually tactful about it tonight. Although thinking about it now, while watching him rattle on about enforcing the 'no magic in corridors' rule, is really not helping.

I hate prefect meetings. I hate everyone's eyes being on me, expecting me to come out and say something amazing.

I hate having to watch James Potter be a far more successful Head student than me. I hate Potter. I really, really do.

"Evans? Your turn to talk." _Great. _Yes, thank you, Potter, just what I needed.

"About the patrol schedule?" Don't roll your eyes at me like that, Potter.

"_Yes. _I think I've already reminded you twice." Did you now? Were you aware of the fact that I wasn't listening because I was staring at your ridiculous face? "Sure you're feeling ok, Evans?" Funny, he actually looks like he's concerned.

"Fine, I'm fine." Would you really care? I'm sure you enjoy watching me make a fool of myself anyway. I think I'd be more fine if you stopped nervously tugging at your hair.

"Take it away, then." Yeah, yeah, spare the theatrics. Everyone looks bored out of their brain already anyway. Maybe if I speed it up they'll like me. Yeah, sounds like a plan.

"...and Goldstein, you and Fenwick can do the fifth floor upwards. Right, I think that's everyone." Thank _goodness._ It feels like Potter's burning holes into my face with his stare. Now everyone can clear off, and I can go find my nice, cosy bed.

Clearly, Potter didn't seem to get that memo.

"Hey, Evans, I was wondering if we could just write up the schedule-"

"Not right now, Potter, I have a lot of... homework... to do. Studying." I don't even _sound_ like I'm telling the truth. Now he's looking at me strangely. Oh dear.

"You have homework, Evans? Homework you haven't _finished_ yet?"

"Yes, that's generally what is meant when someone says they have to do homework. Now, if you'll excuse me..." Sod off, Potter. Please. My face is already melting off due to the increasing level of embarrassment. It'll only get worse.

"Well, if you didn't want to hang around with me, you could have said so." Oh no. Playing the guilt card. Wait. Does it count if he laughed?

"What- no, you've changed quite a bit, it's just..."

"Just what?"

"Just _nothing._ Can I go now?" Please? Does anyone care for my sanity at this point?

And I'm so close to the door. Two more steps. And he grabs my hand.

Shut up, I am _not_ enjoying having his hand on mine.

"Wait a second, Ev- Lily." He called me Lily. Odd.

Yes, I know, I know, usually you call people by their names. I didn't even know Potter knew mine.

"What is it, Potter?" So what if I tried to sound more exasperated than I did?

Whatever's on his mind, it must be big. It's taking him a while to get words out of his mouth.

"Will you go out with me?"

WHAT.

He waits until _now_ to ask this? Does he not realise how sleep-deprived I am?

Seriously. I cannot be held accountable for any actions that occur hereafter.

Which is evidently why I run from the room. For the second time today.

Poor Potter. He looked so disappointed.

Merlin. Dorcas is going to _kill_ me.

* * *

**I'm not entirely sure where this came from. Or where this is going.**

**Oh well.**


	2. Interlude

**A/N: I actually got much more of a response for the first chapter than I'd expected, so, since I haven't had a lot of time lately, here's a little interlude. Thanks!**

* * *

Completely, utterly mortified, I run up to the girls' dorm. And into my bed. And stay there, ignoring Dor's look she always seems to give me.

She's going to find out. I know it.

Don't you even _dare,_ Meadowes.

Great. I was planning on sleeping. How can I sleep after that? My mind's running at a million miles a minute. None of my thoughts are making sense. And James Potter's face is appearing _far_ too often. And now I can hear giggling.

This can't be good.

Dear world, I've enjoyed my seventeen short years here. Because now I'm likely to die of embarrassment at the hands of Dorcas Meadowes.

And, by the sound of it, she isn't alone.

"Lily!" Definitely not alone. "A very handsome young man, who also likes to go by the name James Potter, just gave me this note downstairs."

Oh no. Please, leave me alone, Mar. My face is currently a very undignified shade of red.

Footsteps. She's going to rip open my curtains, isn't she?

"Care to explain why _James_ might want to leave you a note? A note he specifically told Marlene not to read?" Oh, curtains. Can't you be more reliable?

"Especially since you saw him not ten minutes ago."

"I knew it. You guys are secretly snogging after prefect meetings, aren't you?"

"Quiet, Dor. At least give her the chance to tell us about it." More giggling. Someone please remind me why I consider these two my friends.

"Guys, really. I'm tired. Please, please, _please_ just let me go to sleep." Please?

"What? Without even reading this note? Come on, give us the gossip." And then, finally, there it is in my hand. I'm desperately trying not to rip it open right now. Pathetic.

"Marlene. Dorcas. There is absolutely _no_ gossip whatsoever. Nothing is going on with me and _Potter_." Note the emphasised use of surnames. There. That'll fool them.

Or maybe not as successfully as I'd hoped, since now they're just walking over to their beds, smirking.

I hope this note is some kind of apology.

Because I really do hate Potter. I'm not in denial. I don't like him one bit.

Really.

It starts off with _Evans__, _which seems to have been hastily crossed out and replaced with _Lily,__. _Prat.

_You ran off fairly quickly just now, so I'm just hoping that you're alright, and that I didn't, I don't know, scare you or something._ Perhaps scared isn't quite the word.

_Sorry about that. _Oh good, there's that apology._ I _am _asking you out, though, and I hope you're actually taking me seriously and not considering it a joke. Because I feel like I've gotten to know you better. But maybe I'm still just an arrogant idiot to you. _It's a possibility.

_Anyway, I wrote up the prefects' patrol schedule for next month. And I talked to McGonagall about the meeting on my own. I told her you couldn't because you said you had homework. Which obviously isn't true, and I don't think she believed me, but that's what you said._

_If you'd rather not go out with me , _ever_, just tell me. Maybe I'm getting mixed signals. _

_You're a funny girl, Lily. But you can't be in denial your entire life._ Prat had the audacity to draw a smiley face.

_Yours,_

_James Potter._

_P.S. I hope Marlene doesn't read this. But I have a feeling she won't listen to me if I told her. _Got that right.

Er. Wow.

So, basically, ignore everything I said about being in denial. Maybe I do like Potter.

A little bit.

It's not like I'm going keep the stupid note and put it in my trunk. Next to all the other notes he's sent me.

Merlin help me.

* * *

**I'm feeling inclined to keep this going. Not sure how far though. Thoughts?**


	3. I Will

I hate mornings.

I hate Marlene McKinnon. I also hate Dorcas Meadowes.

I hate Pot- ok, no; I think we established last night that I might not hate him.

I need to go find Mary. _She's_ a good friend. She won't interrogate me.

I hope.

It's too early. Why can't I go back to bed and never have to worry about this ever again?

I wish.

Anyway, focus. Mary. Where was she last night, anyway? I need advice from someone who's not going to endlessly take the mickey out of me.

But first I need to brush my hair. And my teeth. Ew.

* * *

Target: Mary Macdonald. Current location: unknown.

Yes, alright, stomach. We're headed to the Great Hall now. Breakfast is on the way. Advice can wait. Most important meal of the day, after all.

Nope, never mind, there's Potter. About turn, now. I don't think I'm ready to face him yet.

Hang on a second. Target located. Mary's down the other end of the table. I guess I'll have to go in.

Don't look at him. Don't look at him. Don't- oh, never mind.

I make my presence known to Target with an annoyed-sounding grunt.

"Where were you last night while Dorcas and Marlene held me for questioning?"

"Where do you think? I was in the library. Trying to do work. Because obviously it wasn't going to get done in the dorm." She laughed at that. Yes, very amusing. "What happened?"

"Marl seemed to think that James Potter sending me a note is just to hide the fact that we've been shagging in empty broom cupboards. And then she evidently convinced Dor."

"And are you?" What is wrong with the world? No! I'm not a slag!

Plus, it's James _bloody_ Potter we're talking about. I refused to accept his existence for six years. I can't just start now.

So I try to communicate all of this with a _look_. I think she got the message.

"Sorry, sorry. So what's the problem, exactly? What did Potter write?"

"He asked me out again."

"Is that meant to be surprising? Lils, that's like saying Potter breathed again." Oh ha ha, very funny.

"I think he's serious."

"You're- are you considering- Oh." Her eyes widen significantly. It kind of makes her look like a fly. There's also an odd grin on her face.

I think I should be scared.

"Should I say yes?"

"Yes." Wow. I can tell there was so much effort put into that reply.

"Thanks for the input, Macdonald."

"You're very welcome." Come on, people, it's called sarcasm.

"Not funny. What am I supposed to tell him?"

"How about, 'Yes, James, I would very much like to go on a date with you.'" As much as I'd like to, I really can't. I can't.

"I can't."

"And why not? You _obviously_ like him, so-" What? Is it really that obvious?

"I do _not._" Note to self – don't ever try lying. You're bad at it.

"You do. So just say yes. Why is that so hard?" Because it's _James Potter,_ that's why. Clearly that's a problem.

Why can't you understand that this is a problem, Mary? It just _is_, ok?

"Be-because… Because it's Potter. He's a spoiled, whiny, annoying-"

"Yes, yes, I know, I go to this school too, Lily. But he's changed. He's Head Boy, isn't he?"

I still think someone must have slipped something into Professor Dumbledore's potion. There's no way he could have got it otherwise.

Right?

"Yeah, well… he's still arrogant."

"Not nearly as much as he used to be, though. Face it, Lily, you're only seeing what you want to see." What exactly is that supposed to mean? It's not like I enjoy seeing that face everywhere I go.

Ok, maybe I do. Hex me.

"That's not the point."

"It is the point. Why don't you just give him a chance? He's a nice guy. He helped me with Transfiguration the other day. He's also _quite_ the looker, admit it." I'd rather not think about what he looks like at this moment. In his Quidditch robes. Doing stretches-

Merlin, what is wrong with me?

And since when did Mary get this good at giving advice?

Erm, I know that sounded bad. I didn't mean it like that, ok? She's lovely.

"Give him a chance? So he can, I don't know, brag about it to the whole school?"

"Actually Lily, I don't think he would." Good one, Mary.

"You are so funny, you know that? Of course he would! I'm just some stupid trophy to him or something. I'm one of the only people that don't fawn all over him as soon as he walks into the room."

"Hello, Earth to Lily? Have you noticed how he _talks _about you? No, of course you haven't. Whenever you're not around, he- Seriously, Lily, he _loves_ you. I mean it." He does?

No. Of course he doesn't. She's pulling my leg. Why would he love me? I'm not particularly interesting. And I spent several years berating him for everything.

Nah, he doesn't love me.

Dammit, there's the bell. Class. With Mary and Marlene and Dorcas.

And Potter.

* * *

It's a real shame I'm not able to focus on Charms. Potter's head is in the way.

James' head.

Oh, I don't know. I give up. Maybe I should go out with him.

I still think he'd shout it out to the world if I just go up to him and say yes.

Why can't things ever be simple?

Why can't my notes write themselves? I am _so_ not in the mood right now.

Oh no, he just turned around to whisper something to Peter. And probably caught me staring at him. I'm never going to hear the end of this.

I can already hear Marlene giggling away beside me. Ten minutes of the lesson left. It's going to take a _lot_ to stop myself throwing something at her.

Merlin help me.

Hold up, people are moving. Does this mean we're finished? Can I leave? Good.

The room's nearly empty. Potter's still beside the desk in front of me.

It's now or never.

"Hey, Potter, I-"

"Not now, Lily, I have to go and talk to Professor McGonagall, and I'm already late." You're also nearly tearing apart your bag trying to shove your things in there. Thought you should know.

"But I really need to talk to you-"

"Can it wait? I really have to go." He's already nearly out the door. Time for drastic measures.

"James!" That got his attention. "I will."

Understandably, he looks confused. I'm confused.

"You will what?" Just spit it out, Lily. Quick and painless.

"I'll go out with you." His eyes widen for a second. He looks a bit like an owl.

"Oh. Brilliant."

And then he runs off.

What an anti-climax.


End file.
